


A Good Listener

by CameraLux (TinCanTelephone)



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Earthbending & Earthbenders, F/M, Fights, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Past Infidelity, Post-Series, Pre-Relationship, Sokka (Avatar)-centric, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27111367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/CameraLux
Summary: The GAang travels to the Fire Nation for Mai and Zuko's wedding. Love is in the air, and since the end of his relationship with Suki, Sokka is officially Done with all of it.But with everyone together again the past is hard to escape, and it's even harder to find someone to lean on.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara & Sokka (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (background), Past Sokka/Suki, Toph Beifong & Sokka, Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 24
Kudos: 88





	A Good Listener

**Author's Note:**

> Did I think about splitting up this 18k "one-shot" into multiple chapters? Absolutely. Did I actually?? NOPE
> 
> Also- just so we're clear this is a Sukka _breakup_ fic. I love Suki, and I tried very hard to do her justice here, but if you clicked on this fic for that ship this might not be the one for you!!

Their brief stop at Yu Dao woke Sokka from his light doze on the back of Appa’s saddle.

“Finally!” Toph said as Appa touched down outside the academy. She used a rock to launch herself into the into the saddle and handed her pack off to Katara to tie down. “What took you guys so long?”

“We had a late start this morning.” Katara scowled at Sokka as Aang _yip-yipped_ them into the air.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” he grouched, rubbing his eyes and trying to settle back down. “Blame Aang for triple-checking every single one of his bags while we were packing up.”

Toph raised her eyebrows. “What’s up with you?”

Katara rolled her eyes. “He caught the sniffles in the South Pole. His ego still isn’t over it.”

“Hey, my ego’s fine,” Sokka snapped, although the retort was undercut by the congestion seeping into his voice as their altitude increased.

Katara just laughed. “You should’ve seen him a week ago. The way he moaned about a _cold_ keeping him in bed you’d think there was nothing more shameful.”

“Wow, Sugar Queen,” Toph drawled. “And here I thought you cared about your brother’s health.”

“I do care!” Katara snapped. “You haven’t had to put up with him for the last five days. It’s not my fault Sokka’s the worst patient on the planet.”

Sokka opened his mouth to retort, but ended up sneezing three times into his elbow. “Am not,” he muttered, grimacing at the mess on his sleeve.

Toph snickered. “A compelling argument, _Sneezles_.”

Sokka glared at both of them and sat back against their bags, closing his eyes again in a (probably vain) attempt to go back to sleep. Maybe he’d been a _tad_ dramatic about it, but in his defense he’d felt like he was dying. The past few days had been much better, but the insides of his face and throat still felt rubbed raw and he hadn’t shaken an annoying cough.

It was the stress, he told himself. Trying frantically to learn everything he could about running the tribe from his father, the looming prospect of facing Suki again at Zuko’s wedding, and trying not to get caught in the middle of whatever drama Aang and Katara were having at any given moment. A man could only deal with so many things at one time before his perfectly functional immune system collapsed in on itself.

He didn’t manage to get back to sleep, but the flying was smooth and eventually Katara moved to sit on Appa’s head with Aang, so he got some decent peace and quiet.

That is, until Toph shuffled back to sit next to him. “Wow, you must be really out of it,” she said. “If you have _nothing_ to say about the way Sugar Queen and Twinkletoes are getting cozy up there.”

He rubbed his eyes and squinted up at them. They were sitting so close together Katara’s legs were practically on Aang’s lap, and his hand was drifting _way_ too low for comfort.

But he couldn’t muster the energy to do much more than growl under his breath, so he tried to turn it back on Toph. “How do you know what they’re doing?”

She shrugged. “I know they’re whispering to each other, which means they’ve got to be sitting close.”

Sokka grunted and flopped back against their bags.

But Toph wasn’t done. “Also, what’s up with Katara? She seemed even snippier than usual, so I thought she and Aang might fighting, but clearly they’re not.”

“Eh, it’s a toss-up hour to hour these days,” he said. “One minute they’re canoodling in a corner somewhere and the next she can’t be in the same room with him.”

“That’s weird.”

Sokka dug around in his pockets for something to blow his nose. “It started when we got the wedding invitations. Katara’s getting antsy for Aang to propose.”

“Ooooh.”

“Little does she know,” he chuckled, then had to hack into the handkerchief, “that _Aang’s_ being weird because he’s planning to propose after the wedding.”

Toph laughed. “Spirits, that’s too good.”

“You’re telling me,” he said. “He actually asked me and Dad for our _blessings_ , of all things. Then he freaked out when I got sick because he was afraid I’d blab to her in my feverish delirium.” He started to laugh again, but fell into another coughing fit.

“I’ve heard you’re known for saying weird shit when you’re sick.”

“I can’t believe Aang told you that story,” he muttered. “Besides, that was way worse. I barely had a fever this time, Katara just overreacted.”

“I’m starting to see how you earned the title _worst patient on the planet_.”

“Oh, ha ha.” He gave her shoulder a playful shove, and she squealed dramatically and scooted away.

“Hey, get your germy hands off of me, Sneezles!”

He groaned. “That nickname can _not_ become a thing.”

“Sorry, I don’t make the rules.” She laughed and looked like she was tempted to keep up the teasing, but seemed to decide to take pity on him and settled back against the edge of the saddle, her face turned into the wind.

Whatever rest Sokka managed to get on the way over was canceled out by the vaguely sick feeling in his stomach induced by the sight of Ty Lee at the gates. The Kyoshi warriors were already here, and no doubt they’d be taking their jobs very seriously and be all up in the Fire Lord’s business.

Luckily, they weren’t at dinner that evening, although he still didn’t have much of an appetite and only picked at his food. He suspected everyone noticed, but only Zuko said anything.

“Are you okay, Sokka?”

“He’s been under the weather,” said Katara, like he couldn’t answer for himself.

He settled for glaring at her and shrugging, directing a few coughs into his arm.

Zuko frowned. “You don’t look so good. We have healers here who could see you–”

“I’m fine, thanks,” he said, pushing back from the table. “Just tired from the trip. I think I’ll turn in early, if you don’t mind. I assume I’m in my usual room?” He didn’t wait for an answer before stalking out.

Upon reaching his room, he flung himself on the bed fully clothed and stared up at the canopy. It hadn’t been a total lie– he _was_ tired– but to be honest he mostly didn’t feel ready to see Suki again, especially when he could run into her at any time. He already felt jumpy wandering the halls of the palace, apprehensive of every corner.

Right on cue, there was a knock on his door and he nearly fell off the bed.

“Who is it?” he croaked, clearing his throat, which was not happy after all the coughing today.

“Just me.”

 _Aang_. “Come in.”

Slowly, Aang cracked the door and slipped inside, a steaming bowl and chopsticks balanced in one arm.

“Hey.” Sokka straightened his shirt and tried to make himself look less pathetic than he actually felt.

“Hey.” Aang put the bowl on a desk and leaned against the wall– a clever, unassuming posture Sokka knew was meant to look non-threatening but would still get you to spill all your deepest secrets. “Katara just wanted me to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“And Zuko had the kitchen whip up some noodle soup, in case you wanted something lighter for dinner.”

Sokka resisted the urge to groan. For Spirits’ sake, would the coddling never end? Although, he mused, it did smell pretty good. Cautiously, he stepped forward and took a couple bites, then despite himself sat down and tucked into the rest. The noodles were perfectly cooked, and the broth felt good on his throat.

Aang watched him for a few minutes, then spoke again. “I also thought I’d tell you the Kyoshi warriors are staying in the east wing near the Firelord’s chambers, so you shouldn’t run into them too much on this side of the palace.”

Sokka swallowed abruptly and muttered, “Thanks.”

“Look…” Aang tapped his fingers restlessly on the wall behind him. “I’m not going to ask what happened that made you avoid each other for an entire year–”

“Ten months.”

“The point is, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. She’ll forgive you, or you’ll forgive her, whatever needs to happen.”

“Always the optimist,” Sokka said, staring down at what was left of the soup.

“That’s because it’s true,” Aang insisted. “You and Suki have been through a lot. Whatever this latest thing is can’t be unfixable.”

“Whatever you say,” Sokka said, mostly to end the conversation. But Aang still looked concerned, so he tried to pivot. “So how’s that betrothal necklace coming?”

Aang flushed and his hand drifted to his pocket. “I finished it just before we left the South Pole, and I think I’m finally happy with the design– hey, I see what you’re doing.”

Sokka smirked and finished the last of the soup. “Don’t worry about it, Aang. She’s totally going to love it.”

“I know, I know, it’s just the thought of _actually_ – dammit, Sokka!”

He actually laughed that time (without coughing– maybe the evening really was looking up).

Aang pushed off the wall with a frustrated huff. “Alright, I know when to quit. Just keep what I said in mind, okay? I have faith in your ability to work it out.”

Sokka waited for Aang to leave to mutter, “That makes one of us.”

Despite waking up during the night once or twice to cough, Sokka felt quite a bit better the next morning, although still nowhere near ready to run into Suki. There were still two days until the wedding, when it would become unavoidable, but damn if he wasn’t going to use those two days.

Since Aang and Katara were off in the city doing Avatar-ly things, Toph was visiting Mai, and Zuko was in last-minute meetings of state, he had the morning all to himself. Deciding it would be safest to stay in one place, he lounged around in the courtyard feeding the turtle-ducks (who were becoming quite fat) and idly sharpening his weapons. He had a view of three open corridors from where he sat, and kept half an eye out for anyone dressed in green.

He leapt up when he saw Zuko walk by from the direction of the throne room, looking even more irritated than usual. Perfect.

“Hey, Jerkbender!” he called. “How about some sparring?” He took a vague stance waved his sword around.

Zuko frowned. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Sokka groaned. “Don’t tell me Katara got to you– I’m fine.”

“Sure you are.”

He huffed and crossed his arms. “Come on, Zuko, I’m bored out of my mind and I know you want to take out some of that anger at those stuffy politicians.”

“If you’re bored, there’s plenty to do around here. You’re not limited to this courtyard.”

Sokka glared and raised his sword again. “Come on, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Katara could find out and kill me for humoring you.”

Damn, he’d been ready for that one. “She won’t find out.”

Zuko shrugged, unmoved. “Sorry, but I’d really like to make it to my wedding day.”

Sokka spluttered. “Coward!”

“Big talk for someone trapped in a courtyard avoiding his ex.”

“I’m not _trapped_ here.”

“Okay, so I guess you’re cool to walk with me to the east wing for my next meeting.”

Sokka growled and didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t think so.” Zuko smirked and continued down the corridor, leaving Sokka to seriously wonder whether it would be worth the political damage to lob his boomerang after his head.

“ _Stuck here,_ ” he muttered for no one’s benefit once Zuko was out of sight. “I’ll show _him_.” He collected his weapons and left the courtyard, heading for the front gate. Maybe this would be a good time to explore the royal city. What were the odds of running into Suki out there?

He made it down two hallways before running into Toph– literally. Before he could recover or ask what the hell she was thinking, she caught his elbow and began dragging him back in the direction he came from.

“What the–? Toph!” He stumbled after her as she pulled him through several twisting hallways until he was completely turned around, her grip on his arm so tight he was sure he’d have bruises later.

She paused and cocked her head, listening, then abruptly let him go. “Alright, we should be safe.”

“Safe from what?” He rubbed his forearm, trying to figure out where they’d ended up.

She raised an eyebrow. “From Suki. She wasn’t far behind me, coming back from a perimeter sweep with Ty Lee. I’m assuming that’s what’s got your heart rate going crazy since we got here.”

 _Dammit._ He should’ve known better than to think he could keep anything from her. “Alright, you got me.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Thanks for that.”

“No problem.” She leaned against the opposite wall. “Care to tell me what happened that would make it so terrible to see her again, even after all this time?”

He sneezed. “It’s kind of a long story.”

She snorted– they weren’t exactly pressed for time– but seemed to let it go. “Whatever, Sneezles.”

“Oh come on, not that again.”

She snickered, then began trotting down the hall again, although at a much slower pace.

He followed her. “You realize we have to stay together now,” he said. “Since you can tell me whether or not it’s safe to turn corners.”

Toph threw him a pitying look. “What exactly do you think Suki’s going to do to you?”

“I’d rather not find out,” he quipped, although upon consideration decided he maybe owed her a real answer. “I mean, nothing, probably,” he admitted. “It would just be really… uncomfortable.”

She gave a dramatic groan. “Great, so now I’m stuck with you until you find the balls to look your ex in the eye?”

“Yep,” Sokka said cheerfully. “Don’t pretend you don’t love it.”

She snorted, but took a sharp turn that led them deeper into the north wing of the palace.

Sokka was starting to get a feel for where they were. Since the war, Zuko had been remodeling the palace one wing at a time, so something was different every time he visited. He hadn’t recognized it at first, but judging by the hangings on the walls from every nation he realized it was the new guest wing for diplomats and visitors of state.

“Zuko had me redo the floor plan for this wing last year,” Toph said. “We needed to at least double the number of guest rooms anyway, and Sparky wanted it to be more open, and for the rooms to be culturally appropriate for for each nation.”

“Nice work.” Sokka didn’t know much about architecture, but he liked to think he knew good design when he saw it.

“But more importantly,” Toph said, leading him down a hallway that appeared to be a dead-end, “you’ll never guess what I discovered during the renovation.”

“What?”

They reached the the end of the corridor and Toph leaned forward, knocking a couple of times on the wall. “Remember those underground tunnels we found on the Day of Black Sun?”

Sokka narrowed his eyes. “I remember them being full of geysers and rivers of lava.”

She smirked and stomped her foot, and the wall in front of them shuddered open to reveal a set of stairs going down. “Well you know what they’re guaranteed _not_ to have? Any Kyoshi Warriors.”

He considered this. “You make an excellent point.”

Another smirk. “I know I do.”

She began walking down the stairs and Sokka followed her, after grabbing a torch from the wall for his own benefit. The temperature dropped rapidly as they descended, which tickled his lungs and made him want to cough, but he swallowed it down. The last thing he needed was Toph worrying over him, too.

The bottom of the stairs ended in tunnel that extended in either direction, pitch dark except for the small circle of light created by Sokka’s torch. He squinted. “Do you have any idea where we’re going?”

She shrugged. “Some.”

“Have you even been here before?”

Toph picked a direction, walking to what Sokka thought was the east, though it was hard to say for sure.

“Well, not _here_ specifically,” Toph said. “But it’s an underground tunnel. In some ways I can ‘see’ better here than I can above ground.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” She rapped her knuckles on the wall. “No wood or water to get in the way, and I can feel almost anything coming from above me.”

“Huh.” Sokka held up his torch to the pointed stalactites on the ceiling, and stepped a little closer to her.

“Plus, it gets pretty boring around here when Firelord Sparky’s in meetings all day or canoodling with Mai, so I’ve explored other parts of the tunnels. I’m sure I’ll recognize something eventually.”

“Great.” He nervously into the darkness around them.

She gave him a look. “We could always go back to the palace if you want, but I can pretty much guarantee we won’t run into You-Know-Who down here.”

He rolled his eyes. “You can say her name.”

“Can _you_?”

He huffed and was about to stomp a couple feet ahead of her before remembering he had no idea where they were going.

They walked in silence for a few more minutes before Toph spoke again. “Seriously, what’s so bad about the way you guys left things that you can’t even tell me about it?”

Sokka sighed and stared at his feet. “I haven’t even told Aang or Katara.”

“Of course you haven’t,” she said. “Who’d want to get into messy relationship shit with Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Couple?” She slowed so they were walking side-by-side. “But you can tell me anything, Sokka– you know that, right?”

He chewed his lower lip. She made it hard when she put it like that. Normally, he never hid anything from Toph– he didn’t need to. She never judged, never berated him, never offered sanctimonious advice.

“Like I said before,” he said. “It’s a long story.”

She scoffed. “You do realize we’ve got nothing but time.”

He sighed and rubbed his nose, running again in the underground chill. “It… doesn’t exactly reflect well on me.”

“Like that’ll change my opinion of you.” She said it with an eye roll and a punch in the arm, but Sokka felt strangely comforted. She was right, after all. If he could tell this story to anyone, it was definitely her.

“Alright.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you.”

* * *

Suki kept saying they had fallen out of sync. Sokka insisted it was just a rough patch– all couples had those, right? Well, not Aang and Katara but certainly Zuko and Mai. And they always worked it out in the end.

But whatever you called it, even he could admit things had been going… not well for a few months. What had once been playful teasing had become terse snipping, silences were tense more often than comfortable, and the frequency of more… physical aspects of their relationship was in a more or less steady decline.

Suki blamed their travel schedules– messages by hawk back and forth only went so far and she still spent most of her time in the Fire Nation as a member of Zuko’s royal guard, while Sokka was splitting his time between the Southern Water Tribe and Republic City. The free time they had together was increasingly limited and unpredictable, and after a miserable rendezvous in Ba Sing Se she suggested that perhaps it would help to take some time off from their respective responsibilities to work on Them. (That’s how Sokka always imagined it– with a capital _T_.) 

So they ended up on Kyoshi Island, staying in the small house Suki had inherited from her parents, offset from the village but still close to the main training hut so they could stay mildly busy overseeing the incoming class of warriors.

At first, it was like a vacation. Relatively free of outside stress and distractions, Sokka felt like they were able to regain something like their old rhythm. The went hiking together, swam with the elephant koi, gave sparring demonstrations for the Kyoshi Warriors, and continued training after hours so they had a little privacy when sparring turned into something _better_.

 _This_ , Sokka thought when they woke up curled around each other instead of on opposite sides of the bed, _I could get used to_.

It was a rare morning that he woke up first, so he slipped out of bed and snuck downstairs to begin steaming buns for breakfast. He imagined how romantic it would be to have food ready and on the table, dishes already done by the time Suki came downstairs, but despite his best efforts he was barely halfway done before he heard the floorboards creak as she got up and walked to the washroom.

 _Dammit_. He turned around as she came downstairs, ready with an sheepish grin and cheesy comment, but both died in his mouth when he saw her face.

“Sokka.” She was carrying her shield, unfolded and holding the retraction mechanism up to the light. “How many times have I told you not to leave the east window open overnight? If it rains and water gets into the inside of this it can start to rust and do some permanent damage.”

Sokka bit his lip against the knot of tension that formed in his stomach. “Sorry, I guess I forgot when I went to bed last night.”

She frowned, pulling out a knife and sticking the point into one of the gears. “Why do you have to open that window in the first place?”

He crossed his arms. “I’ve told you, the room gets stuffy when the windows are closed all day. I wanted to generate a cross-breeze.”

“Can’t you do that by just opening the window over the bed?”

“No, that’s why it’s called a _cross-breeze_ ,” he retorted, turning around and pulling off the lid to the steamer with a little more force than necessary, probing at the buns with a pair of chopsticks. “If you’re so worried, why don’t you hang the shield on another wall?”

“Because it’s a pain in the neck to move that fixture,” she said, putting the knife away and holding out the shield to test the retraction.

Sokka pulled out the buns and set two places on the table. “What’s the big deal– it didn’t even rain last night. It doesn’t look like rain for weeks.”

“That’s not the point.” Suki blew a strand of hair out of her face and set the shield at the base of the stairs. “Whatever. Just– remember to keep that window closed, okay?”

Sokka ground his teeth together to keep from saying something snarky that would inevitably cause an even bigger argument and took his seat at the table, starting on his breakfast without waiting for her to sit down too. Why did she have to do shit like this? Ruining a perfectly good morning with something stupid like _leaving a window open_.

They ate in silence, eyes on anything but each other. When they were both finished, there was another, even deeper silence without the sounds of chopsticks or teacups to cover it.

“I’m going to the training hut.”

“I’m going to go for a walk.”

They spoke almost at the same time, and Suki sighed, standing up and clearing the table.

“Sorry for snapping at you earlier,” she said without turning around. “I guess I’m still kind of used to being here alone.”

“…Yeah.” He moved to help her with the dishes. “I guess it’s been a while since we’ve spent this much time together.”

She nodded, her lips curving into almost a smile. “It has.”

“It’s been good, though.” Hesitantly, he stepped closer to her, putting one hand gently on her waist and kissing her temple. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

“Mm.” She let him stay like that for a few seconds, then stepped away and picked up her shield. “I’m going to help Ty Lee with the morning classes today before my usual afternoon session. I’ll see you this evening, okay?”

“Okay.” He leaned against the counter as casually as he could and watched her go, confused and not a little worried. Something was bothering her, that much was obvious, but it was also obvious she wanted some time to herself.

And who could blame her? He had to admit, the constant companionship did feel a little… stifling at times, especially on the tiny island in an even tinier village. Grabbing his sword from the hall, he headed out the back door and walked towards the woods at a punishing rate, relishing the burn in his thighs as the terrain became steeper. Perhaps he was just restless. That was the problem with vacations, after all. Nothing to do with all that excess energy.

Near the top of the hill there was a lookout point– a flat outcropping of rock overlooking the water where he could step through a few forms with his sword. When that didn’t quite release the knot in his stomach, he put the sword aside and practiced a few chi-blocking moves. It wasn’t his favorite form of combat because of the way it scared Katara and Toph, but Suki had insisted on teaching him anyway.

 _You can’t always depend on your weapons, Sokka_ , she’d said. _And without them this is your best chance against a bender_.

He understood where she was coming from, and essentially agreed with her, but he also recognized that to actually execute the moves in combat would require a ruthlessness and lack of hesitation he wasn’t sure he could achieve. He gave up halfway through a set and sat heavily at the edge of the outcropping, left leg swinging in the breeze blowing in from the north.

The hard knot of anger still hadn’t gone away, and seemed to grow bigger the more he thought about it. He picked up a rock and lobbed it into the water, as if that would do anything, then flung himself onto his back and squinted up at the sky.

It was just so _frustrating_ – almost ten years together and he still wondered sometimes whether it was worth it. The long distance, the arguments, awkward apologies and tentative forgiveness. He loved Suki– he knew he did– and he was fairly certain she loved him back, but he couldn’t help but look at Aang and Katara, or even Mai and Zuko, and wonder if he really had what they had.

The idea made his insides churn. At this point, he’d been with Suki for nearly half his life. He had no idea what it would be like without her, much less what another _relationship_ would be like. The idea of starting all over again terrified him, and he pressed his eyes shut, forcing away all the doubts and fears that led him down that path.

He was spiraling and making a big deal out of nothing. All couples fought. All couples had shit to work through. He and Suki would work through this, just like everything else.

It was barely evening when Sokka returned to the house, hoping to beat Suki there and get a head start on dinner. But when he pushed open the door he found her already in the kitchen, water on its way to boiling and their tea cabinet open. As he watched, she took out the box of jasmine, only to put it back and choose a box of oolong. Then she changed her mind again and replaced with chamomile.

She looked anxious even from behind, shifting from one foot to the other and jumping when the kettle whistled.

Sokka stepped forward and took it off the fire.

She jumped again and pressed a hand to her chest. “Shit, I didn’t see you there.”

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be home yet.” He took the box of leaves from her hands and poured two cups. “How was your day?”

“It was good.” She raised her tea to her lips and blew on it, although the line hadn’t disappeared from between her eyes. “But I was having trouble focusing.”

“Oh yeah?” He leaned back against the counter and took a slow sip, swallowing through the burn at the back of his throat. “Has something been on your mind?”

“No–” She started to shake her head, then seemed realize she couldn’t deny it. “I mean, yes.”

He waited, suddenly hyperaware of his every movement.

“Sokka,” she leaned away from him slightly, “my period is late.”

He blinked. What on earth did that me– _oh._ He hurried to put down his tea and press his hands into the counter. “How– how late?”

“Over a week,” she said. “That’s… that’s pretty late. For me, at least.” She put down her tea as well. “Plus I’ve been tired lately, and my stomach’s felt weird–”

Sokka felt himself unfreeze and closed the distance between them, bringing an arm around her shoulders. “Suki, it’s okay.” He rubbed her arms, holding her tight. “I promise, everything’s going to be fine.”

“Really?” She still wouldn’t look at him.

“Of course.” He stepped back, but not so far that he had to let go of her. “I mean, it’s unexpected, of course, but of course I’ll be right here with you– this is exciting!” Unbidden, his mind was already running wild imagining a little kid running around. He wondered if they would look more like him or her. He couldn’t decide which was better, and set about trying to conjure up a perfect mixture of them both.

But Suki was frowning, and took a step back, pushing his hands away. “What are you talking about? Sokka, this isn’t good news.”

“What’re _you_ talking about?” He tore his mind back to the present and tried to understand what she was saying.

She looked at him like he was crazy. “I know we’re on vacation now but in a few weeks I’m supposed to be back in the Fire Nation, and you’re going to Republic City. It’s just not the right timing, not even close.”

He huffed. “Suki, _timing_ isn’t really supposed to matter when it comes to this stuff.”

“What?” She looked angry now, hands on her hips and tea long forgotten. “Of course timing matters– it matters more than anything! I’m knee-deep in preparations to train the next class of Kyoshi warriors, and I’ve still got my commitment to protecting Zuko to worry about. And with you bouncing around the four nations just as much as I am, who knows how much time we’ll get together in the next few months.”

He rubbed his forehead, trying to process everything she was saying. “Look, I know our lives are busy but I’m telling you we’d figure it out. You’d find a way to travel less, and so would I–”

“ _No_. Sokka, I don’t _want_ to travel less. With any luck, this will all come to nothing and we can just go back to our regular lives.”

He felt like he’d been punched in the chest. “What do you mean _with any luck_?”

She crossed her arms. “I mean we don’t know anything for sure right now. This could all turn out to be a false alarm.”

 _A false alarm_. Sokka couldn’t believe what he was hearing– he’d swear, sometimes it was like they spoke entirely different languages. “Suki, kids are supposed to be a _good thing_ , we’re supposed to feel happy about this.”

“Don’t tell me how to feel,” she snapped. “Maybe _you_ can be happy about this, but I’m not. It’s not you who’ll have to carry the damn thing for nine months and then feed it for another year.”

He ducked his head, contrite. “I’m not happy if you aren’t, but I’m just saying I don’t think we should see a _child_ as an inconvenience.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Yes you did!” He was getting dangerously close to raising his voice, but he couldn’t help it. “You were just talking about how this would ruin your plans with the Kyoshi Warriors and being Zuko’s bodyguard.”

“Because it would,” she said. “Those things are important to me, Sokka, and having a kid would affect _everything_.”

“But in a good way, overall,” he said. “I’d help you, you know I would, and so would all of our friends. Sure, things would be different but it would be worth it, wouldn’t it? For our son or daughter?”

“Sokka, stop talking like it’s a real thing.” She tossed her head. “We don’t know anything for certain, I’m just a _little_ worried I _might_ be… you know.”

“You mean _pregnant_?” he said, pushing away the thrill of fear that shot through his stomach when he said the word.

Of course she saw right through him. “Oh don’t act like you’re not scared, too. You’re just as terrified as I am.”

“Okay, fine.” He took a hesitant step forward. “You’re right– I am scared, too. But I also know we’ll get through this, and everything will be better for it.”

She looked skeptical. “How can you possibly know that?”

“I just _do_ ,” he said. “I trust you, and I trust our relationship.” He stepped forward again, but she took another step back.

“Sorry if I have a hard time trusting you at the moment, since you’re finding it so hard to believe I wouldn’t want this added complication in our lives right now.”

Sokka threw up his hands. “Again with the _complication_. It’s a _person,_ Suki. Our _child_.”

“Stop it.” She pointed a sharp finger at him. “Stop trying to manipulate me by using words like that. _It_ is almost entirely theoretical right now. _It_ might not even be a thing. When I said I had something on my mind, I meant I was worried about the _possibility_ , not because I was _actually_ pregnant.”

Sokka wanted to tear his hair out. “But you literally just said it’s possible that you’re pregnant.”

“Yeah, so that doesn’t mean I am!”

“It doesn’t mean you’re not, either!”

They stared at each other across the kitchen, panting. Suki took a shallow breath, visibly fighting for control. “Well, whether I am or not that doesn’t mean you get to tell me how I’m supposed to talk about it.”

“I wasn’t–”

“The hell you weren’t!” She gestured wildly in an exaggerated imitation of his hand gestures. “’Suki, it’s a _person_ not a _complication_.’”

Sokka felt his teeth click together and his jaw clench. “Well sue me for thinking of a baby as an actual human being and not an inconvenience that’s just going to fuck up our lives.”

“Listen to us, it’s already fucking up our lives!”

“And whose fault is that?”

She glared. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean you’re being completely unreasonable about this.” How could she not understand where he was coming from? How could she feel _nothing_ for their potential child?

“ _I’m_ being–? _Ugh_ , I can’t even look at you right now.” Suki pushed back roughly from the able, upsetting her cup of tea, which shattered on the stone floor and spilled lukewarm chamomile all over Sokka’s shoes.

He watched as she spun on her heel and stalked up the stairs, still breathing hard. He had a vague idea that it would not go over well if he tried to follow her, not that he was particularly inclined to do so anyway. His hands were still shaking with anger as he picked up the broken pieces of the cup and tossed a towel carelessly over the mess.

When he heard Suki go into the washroom, he stole upstairs and grabbed extra pillows and blankets from the linen closet and flopped onto the living room couch. After trying for about two seconds to relax, he rolled over and directed a frustrated scream into the pillow.

Every time he thought they’d caught a fucking break something like this had to happen. Of course just as he’d convinced himself they could work through anything they had to blow up at each other again.

 _More accurately,_ you _blew up at_ her, said a voice suspiciously like Katara’s.

He pulled the blanket over his face. _Shut up_.

_That argument was as much your fault as it was hers._

_I know._

_You’re such an idiot, Sokka_.

It took him a long time to get to sleep.

By the time Sokka woke up, everything he’d said the day before had come back to him in vivid detail, settling uncomfortably in the pit of his stomach. He cooked breakfast and set the table for two again, then waited, tense, for Suki to come downstairs.

She hesitated at the kitchen doorway, but to his relief sat down across from him and poked tentatively at the congee he’d heated up. 

After several long minutes of silence, Sokka cleared his throat. “Look, I wanted to say I’m–”

“Sokka, I’m sorry.”

“–so sorry for…” he trailed off. “Wait, what?”

She reddened, staring hard at her food. “I’m sorry about last night. For mocking you, and for not taking what you were saying seriously.”

He let out a long breath of relief. “I’m sorry, too. I was being unreasonable as well. And I’m sorry for not trying to understand your point of view.”

She gave a hesitant smile. “Thanks. I really appreciate that.”

He smiled back and tucked into his congee with a little more enthusiasm. “So will you go see a healer today?”

“No,” she said casually, reaching across the table for the salt.

“What?” Sokka put down his spoon. “Don’t you want to know for sure?”

She shrugged. “I’ll give it one more week. I’ve been stressed lately– I don’t want to bother the healer over nothing.”

 _But it could also be_ not _nothing!_ Sokka bit his lip forced down his objections. Bringing that up again would just cause another fight, and he wasn’t even close to ready for that to happen again. So he shrugged and said, “Okay.”

Suki glanced up like she suspected he was holding something back, but seemed to let it go just as quickly and they finished their breakfast in relative peace.

Sokka didn’t spend another night on the couch and the next few days were argument-free, but he couldn’t deny there was a new tension between them. The fight seemed to loom over their heads, neither willing to touch it lest it break open. Sometimes it seemed to get between them physically as well. When Sokka’s hands brushed against her belly one night while they were making out, Suki seemed to shrink away and abruptly ended the session, saying she was tired.

They slept on opposite sides of the bed that night, facing away from each other, and Sokka woke up late the next morning already irritated and on edge. He felt the covers shift as Suki got out of bed and listened as she padded to the washroom.

Rubbing a hand over his face as if that could scrub away the annoyance, he watched as she emerged with a wide, relaxed smile on her face.

“Hey, Sweetie.” She sat down on her side of the bed and leaned over to give him a long kiss.

 _Well, this is different_. He leaned into it, bringing his arm around her as the kiss grew deeper and dragging her on top of him. He was just thinking he might’ve found the solution to curing his bad mood when she caught his wrist as his hand drifted in between her legs.

“Ah, you might not want to do that right now,” she giggled, continuing to nip at his neck. “Turns out I’m not pregnant after all.”

He froze. “So you got your–?”

She nodded, looking more relaxed than she had in days, and leaned in to kiss him again.

“Wait.” He pushed her away got out of bed, all previous irritation bubbling back to the surface.

She pouted. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he deflected, walking over to the mirror and pulling a brush roughly through his hair.

“Come on.”

“It’s just– you seem so happy about it, that’s all.”

“Of course I’m happy.” She frowned. “Sokka, we talked about this– I don’t think it’s a good time for us to have kids, so I’m _relieved_.”

He grunted, putting down the brush with rather more force than necessary. “I guess I just don’t get it,” he said without turning around. “You’re not even a little disappointed?”

Suki sat back on the bed, pulling one knee to her chest. “Not really.”

“Okay.” Sokka could feel it– the fight close enough to touch and more than ready to burst. He turned and headed downstairs, even though he knew there was no way to outrun this.

“That’s it?” Suki got off the bed and followed him. “Just ‘okay?’”

“Yep.” He put on the water and chose a box of tea at random.

“Sokka…”

He turned around. “Look, I don’t want to fight, okay?”

She huffed. “Me neither, but I also want us to be honest with each other.”

“Really?” He crossed his arms. “So what would you say to me, if you were _being honest_?”

She seethed. “I would say you’re being really immature right now and I wish we could just talk about this like adults.”

“Fine, let’s be adults.” Sokka pushed off the counter and stepped forward. “How can you not understand why I’m a _little_ disappointed that you’re not actually pregnant?”

Suki drew herself up. “It’s not that I don’t understand, Sokka– I do. It’s just that I don’t feel the same way, and I feel like you’re not even trying to understand that.”

“I am trying!” Sokka’s hands curled into fists. “I just don’t get it.”

“Why? What don’t you get? Is it so weird to not want kids right now?”

The kettle whistled behind him and he hurried to take it off the heat and pour two cups with shaking hands, although he had a feeling neither would be consumed. He took a few shallow breaths and tried to keep his voice at a reasonable volume. “No, that’s not weird at all, I’m just afraid–”

Suki waited for him to finish. “Afraid of what?”

He swallowed. This was bad– so much worse than all the ways he’d imagined this fight playing out. Suki said she wanted honesty, but what if honesty exposed something between them that was impossible to fix?

“Nothing,” he said. “Never mind.”

“Oh, please,” Suki said. “It’s too late now– if we’re going to fight, let’s just do it and get it over with.”

“But what if–” His heart was pounding in his throat. “But what if we don’t _get it over with_.”

She frowned and took a step back. “What are you saying?”

The implication behind his words began to hit him and he rushed to backtrack. “Nothing! Spirits, I didn’t mean– you know I didn’t mean that.”

“Okay.” She nodded slowly, still regarding him suspiciously. “Well then, can you just tell me what it is you’re afraid of?”

“I–” Sokka had to look away from her, staring past her shoulder out the living room window. “What if you never want kids?”

Suki’s mouth dropped open. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He looked back at her, the anger rising in his stomach again. “I mean, will you ever want kids? You keep saying right now’s not a good time, but when _will_ be a good time? What do you imagine that’ll look like?”

She was shaking her head before he finished. “How can you ask me all that at once? Do you know how much pressure that is?”

“Fine, then just answer the first one.” Her refusal to answer was making his insides turn cold. “Will you ever be ready to have kids?”

“What– Sokka, I don’t know!”

“How can you not know?” She had to be lying– the honest answer would confirm his worst fears and she was trying to let him down easy.

“I just don’t,” she said. “All I know is that I’m not ready now.”

“But _why_?” He wasn’t sure why he kept asking her that. None of her answers ever seemed to make sense.

“‘ _Why_?’” Suki threw up her hands. “A million reasons!”

“A _million_?” Sokka thought he might be sick.

“Like–” she held up a finger, “our lives are crazy right now. We’re traveling so much, we barely get any time together.”

“That’s–”

She held up another finger. “Plus, we’re not married, and we haven’t even talked about it. We shouldn’t even be having this discussion until we’ve had that one.”

Sokka’s thoughts screeched to a halt and began tumble over one another. What was she saying? He wasn’t aware that conversation would even be a _discussion_. Everything he’d imagined about the next ten years of his life was suddenly thrown into question and he had to look down to make sure his feet were still on the floor. “Okay, fine–”

Suki held up a third finger. “And before you say we can have that discussion, maybe the most important reason I don’t want kids right now is that I’m _just not ready_ to be a mother– why is that so hard for you to understand?”

“Because it’s not true!” He slammed his hands on the kitchen table. “You would be an incredible mother, Suki, ask anyone. Our kid would be lucky to have you.”

She fumed. “That’s not the point. _I’m_ not ready, and that should be enough.”

“But I’m saying I think you are,” he said, an edge of desperation creeping into his voice. If this was just a confidence issue, he could fix that. He could find a solution.

But she just stomped her foot. “ _Ugh_ , quit making this about _you_ and what _you_ think. Instead of worrying about me, maybe you should ask yourself whether _you’re_ ready to be a father!”

Red tinged the edge of his vision, and they were both shouting now but he couldn’t stop himself. “What the fuck are you trying to say?”

“What do you think I’m trying to say?”

“I think you’re trying to say I’d be a shitty father!”

“Well based on the way you’ve been acting, I’m beginning to think you would be!”

Sokka felt like he’d been slapped. He stumbled backward, reeling, tears unexpectedly pricking his eyes. The walls suddenly seemed very close, and he was having trouble breathing. Not sure where to direct the sudden rush of emotion grabbed the nearest chair and pushed it to the ground, where it fell with a loud clatter that seemed very far away. “Fuck you.”

“Sokka–”

Shit, he was going to cry. His breath was coming in harsh pants and he cast about, looking for an escape. “And fuck this shit.”

Looking anywhere but her face as if that would hide his expression, he stepped over the fallen chair stormed out the back door, slamming it so hard it rattled on its hinges. He squinted in the bright light, the sun was already high overhead, beating down on his face and making his clothes feel hot and uncomfortable. He hurried into the trees for some shade and began walking up the hill as fast as he could manage.

He hoped to make it to the lookout point before breaking down, but at some point he blinked and the tears spilled down his cheeks, hot and fast and uncontrollable. Eventually, he had to stop where he was and sit down on a fallen branch to let it all out.

The forest seemed eerily quiet around him as he cried, sobs echoing among the trees. It made him feel horribly alone– which he supposed was the point of running away in the first place but still managed to feel just as awful as the fight itself.

 _The fight_.

He pressed his hands to his eyes as if that would stop the tears. After days of dancing around it, Suki’s last barb had found one of his deepest insecurities, and the worst part was she had to know how much it would hurt. She knew how terrified he was of living up to everything his father was for him, of being the leader and example everyone expected him to be. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal to have that thrown back in his face, from someone he trusted so deeply.

He sat there until the tears began to slow, and for a long time after they’d stopped, trying to regulate his breathing and get his thoughts in order. But the pain and anger hadn’t gone away with the tears, and his hands shook at the thought of going back to the house and trying to talk to Suki again.

But his feet were tapping restlessly on the earth– he needed to do something, he needed to _move_. He glanced up at the sun through the trees. It had been hours, it was well past its zenith and beginning to fall to the west. Abruptly, he stood up and began walking down the hill, giving the house a wide berth before turning into town.

It was crowded, a ferry from the mainland had just docked, but he pushed through it to the local tavern, walking up to the bar and slamming a coin down on the counter. “Fire whiskey, neat.”

The bartender raised an eyebrow and glanced at the time, but Sokka glared until he pulled out a tumbler.

He tossed it back and immediately held out the glass for a refill. The bartender could judge all he wanted, Sokka knew the only thing that had a chance of dulling the pain in his gut was alcohol– a lot of it. Maybe so much that he blacked out and stood a chance of forgetting this entire horrible day.

Several hours later, Sokka was pretty sure he wasn’t quite at the blackout stage– although he was well past very drunk. He’d migrated at some point from the bar to a booth in the corner, where he’d been joined by a few people who’s names he’d definitely asked but couldn’t recall at the moment.

One of them was an earthbender, or a firebender, Sokka didn’t remember which, but apparently he’d fought in some army during the war and had a wealth of extremely entertaining stories and no shortage of money to buy round after round for the table. The other one was a woman, a year or two younger than him and a non-bender who’d come to the island to train with the Kyoshi Warriors.

“I’ve heard so much about them they just seem like legends,” she was saying. “I can’t believe you _know_ them.”

“Y- yep.” He hiccuped, and took another drink of… whatever the soldier had bought them.

“Wow.” The woman beamed and slid closer to him on the bench. He wondered vaguely if he should try to move away, but her thigh was warm against his and his hazy brain couldn’t find anything wrong with that. “Can you tell me– do you think I have a chance of impressing them? Like, I can fight a little, but what is that compared to all their _experience_?”

Sokka shook his head, then stopped as the room tilted around him. “No, no, no. You’ll do fine. Im- impress the hell out of ‘em.” He snickered. “Knock ‘em dead.”

“You really think so?” She leaned even closer, her chin almost on his shoulder. “It means so much to hear you say that.”

She smelled like Northern Water Tribe gin and the soldier’s cigar smoke, and he couldn’t help but think that was a nice combination. She was pretty, too– dark, almost black eyes in a perfect heart-shaped face, hair falling in graceful waves over her shoulders.

“W’ll I mean ’t,” he slurred. “You’re a- you look a perfect Kosh-Kyoshi Warrior.”

“Oh, thank you!” She threw her arms around his waist, so close now his left arm naturally fell over her shoulder to return it.

He turned his head to look at her face, jerking backwards as his nose bumped into hers, and began muttering an apology.

But she just giggled and snaked one hand behind his neck, pulling his head down into a kiss.

Her lips were soft and her hair smelled even better than the rest of her– white jade shampoo and sea spray from the ferry, and for a moment Sokka leaned into it, losing himself in the sensation before another face flashed across his mind and he jerked back, pushing her roughly away and nearly falling off the bench.

She frowned, plump lips poking out in a picture of innocent confusion. “What’re you–”

“‘M sorry,” he said, blinking hard and trying to get the room to stop moving. “I have a– I have to–”

“What do you have to do?” The woman pouted, trying to grab at his forearm bindings, stained with alcohol and coming loose near his elbows.

He pushed her fingers away and stood up, immediately swaying to one side and catching himself on the table, using it to push himself towards the door. He needed some air. It was a mistake, coming here… drinking…

The night air made him gasp and he fell to his knees, gripping the wall of the building as everything spun violently around him. He threw up, spitting sour bile into the dirt by his knees and blindly pushed away hands that tried to help.

He was fine, he didn’t need anyone. He needed… he needed to get home. He had to tell Suki… he had to be _honest_.

As soon as the spinning slowed down, he heaved himself to his feet and stumbled up the road towards the house.

The windows were dark– and at the bottom of the stairs Sokka realized Suki must be in bed, maybe already asleep, and the shame curling in his stomach told him he didn’t deserve to join her. The blankets and pillows from before were still downstairs, so he clumsily remade his bed from before and collapsed, praying for swift oblivion.

The morning sun woke him up– filtering through the blinds in a perversely cheery way. He squinted, not sure at first where he was, or if he was even _alive_ , the way his head felt like it was about to implode and the queasy feeling in his stomach. The details of the previous night returned to him slowly, but return they did and as the reality of what had happened fully dawned on him, he had to roll of the couch and stumble dizzily onto the front porch to be violently sick over the railing.

“Shit.” He spit and grimaced at the mess soaking into the dirt behind the bushes.

The front door opened and he whirled around as Suki joined him on the porch. She was wearing her training uniform and had her katana in one hand and shield in the other. Her face was bare, but her hair was tied back and she looked… neat. Put-together.

Sokka reddened and resisted to urge to look down at himself, where he knew his pants were dirty and torn, and stains from liquor and vomit on his collar.

“Hey,” he muttered, leaning heavily on the railing and holding his palms over his eyes to shield them from the sun.

“Hey.” She swallowed, then set down the shield at her feet and wiped her hands on her dress. “Look, Sokka, I wanted to say–”

“Suki…” He wanted to stop her. She sounded apologetic, _sorry_ , and he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t deserve to hear it.

She pressed on. “–I wanted to say I’m sorry, _so_ sorry for what I said yesterday. I was so angry I wasn’t thinking straight, although that’s no excuse, and–”

“Suki.” He couldn’t look at her. He pressed his hands over his eyes hunched over the railing.

“– I just hope you’ll forgive me, Sokka. You know I didn’t mean what I said, I think you’d be a–”

“ _Suki_.” He was going to throw up again. If she kept going he was going to throw up.

She stopped. “What is it?”

“Something happened last night.” He forced himself to face her, although his eyes stayed on the ground.

“What?” She sounded purely confused. No hint of anger or suspicion, just confused.

 _She has no idea_. “I– I was angry yesterday, too, and after I left I went… went to the bar in town and had–” He swallowed convulsively. ”–Had a few drinks.” A deep breath, bracing himself against the rail. “And I… I kissed another woman. I mean– I guess she kissed me, but I kissed her back, a little, before I realized–”

There was clang as Suki’s katana fell to the porch.

Sokka winced, the sound echoing through his aching head.

“You _what_?”

“I… it was an accident– I mean, a mistake,” he stammered. He felt hot and panicky, not sure he could explain his actions even if he wasn’t hungover like he’d never been before. “I didn’t mean to–”

“Didn’t _mean_ to?” She sounded angry, which he expected, but also _hurt_ , which felt like another twist to the knife currently buried in his stomach. “How can you _not mean to_?”

“I– I don’t know…” he faltered, trying to will the fog from his brain to come up with a reason, _any_ reason why he’d do something so monumentally stupid.

She snorted. “ _You don’t know_.”

He shook his head. “I don’t expect you to forgive me–”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

Something in her tone made him look up. She was staring at him steadily, her mouth pressed into a hard line and her hands fisted in her dress. “Suki…”

“Shut up.”

He did.

“Not another word.”

He waited, holding his breath.

“I don’t forgive you,” she said, only the barest tremble in her voice. “And I would like you to leave.”

“Okay.” He began to shuffle towards the steps that led down to the front walk.

“No, I mean _leave_ ,” she said.

He paused. “What?”

She picked up her shield and katana. “I’m going to train. I’ll be gone all day, and by the time I get back I want you to be gone. You, and everything that’s yours the house.”

“Suki…” Sokka blinked, all the air rushing out of his lungs. The morning was very quiet– wind barely rustling the trees and the sounds from town only faintly rising up the hill. But in that moment it felt like his whole world was collapsing, a silent explosion that only he could hear.

“Sokka,” Suki said, so he blinked again and re-focused on her. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.” He felt himself nodding, although most of his brain still couldn’t believe it. “I understand.”

“Good.” She gave him a kurt nod, then turned away and began walking down the road towards the training huts.

Sokka watched her go, staring at the empty road long after she’d turned a corner out of sight.

And just like that, it was over.

* * *

“…Wow.” Toph actually stopped to take it all in, and Sokka took the opportunity to lean against the wall and catch his breath. The tunnel was growing steeper– they’d been going up for a while now, although somehow they were still underground.

“Yeah,” he said, running a hand over his face. “So after that I packed up all my stuff and got on the next boat to the South Pole, where I’ve been staying ever since.”

Toph chewed her lip and started walking again, looking thoughtful. Sokka pushed off the wall to follow her. They reached what seemed like a dead end and he was about to turn around when she took a stance and pushed out the wall.

He held up a hand as his eyes adjusted and the breeze cooled his cheeks. He let the torch go out and clambered after her. When he stood up above ground, he realized they were at the top of the caldera, looking down over the capital city.

“Wow.” He sat down to take it all in. “I didn’t realize we’d come this far.”

“It feels like an amazing view.” She took a seat next to him.

“It is,” he said, resting his chin on his knees.

Toph leaned back on her hands, face tilted towards the sun. “Have you really not told anyone else what happened? Not even your dad?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No one else knows the full story. I just told everyone we broke up.”

She hummed, face impassive. “That’s a lot to keep to yourself.”

He looked down. “I guess so.”

“That can’t be healthy.”

He frowned. “What do you know?”

“Nothing,” she said. “Sorry.”

 _Shit._ “No, I’m sorry.” He sighed and pressed his eyes into his knees. “I guess I just feel… guilty. And ashamed. It’s all my fault, what happened between us, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it.”

Toph cocked her head. “Well, I wouldn’t say that.”

“You wouldn’t say what?”

“That it was all your fault.”

“But– I _kissed_ –”

“Yeah, yeah.” She waved a hand at him. “ _That_ may not have been your smartest move, but the rest of it? It takes two to tango, Snoozles.”

He shook his head. “I was such an asshole. Trying to pressure her into motherhood like that? She was right to say I’m not ready either.”

“Maybe so.” Toph slid onto her back, resting her head on her arms. “But I kind of understand where you were coming from, too. As soon as you had the idea of a family, you got attached. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Sokka swallowed, her words almost conjuring up the first image he’d had of his and Suki’s child, although now it was faded and blurry– a possibility that would never come about. “I just wish I understood why I did it,” he said. “Why I kissed that girl at the bar. If I hadn’t done that… maybe everything wouldn’t have been ruined.”

Toph didn’t speak for a while, relaxing in the sun and gentle wind and looking for all the world like she wasn’t listening.

But Sokka knew she was just thinking, so he waited. _Neutral jing_ , King Bumi had said. _Find a master of neutral jing_.

Finally, she stirred, reaching back to pull the ribbon out of her hair. The wind caught the strands immediately and he watched, mesmerized, as a long black wave unfurled behind her, almost half the length of her body. “Well,” she said slowly. “It was definitely the wrong thing to do, but I think I can see why you did it.”

“Really?” He tore his eyes from her hair and turned his body to face her.

She opened her eyes and turned her face towards him, hazy grey irises staring unfocused over his shoulder. “Well, Suki really hurt you, when she said that thing about you being a bad father.”

“Yeah.” He tried not to wince, but he’d be lying if he said the sting had ever gone away.

“And I’m not saying your reaction was justified– but maybe kissing this other girl was kind of your way of hurting her back.”

He frowned, turning her words over in his head. He didn’t really want to believe it of himself– wanting retribution like that, even unconsciously, but it made sense, in a cruel sort of way. “That doesn’t really make me feel better.”

She shrugged. “You did a shitty thing. But it is an explanation. And it isn’t wrong that you felt hurt, just the way you handled it.”

Sokka sat back, considering. A curious feeling welled in his chest, like a dim echo of the pain he felt when Suki first said those words, and he realized no one had said that to him before– _it isn’t wrong that you felt hurt_.

He felt the sudden urge to reach out to Toph, embrace her for reminding him it was okay to feel what he did, but she looked so peaceful he couldn’t bring himself to disturb her. So he just nodded and blinked away the sudden wetness in his eyes, breathing deeply to keep his voice steady. “Thank you,” he whispered. “I think I really needed to hear that.”

She closed her eyes again. “No problem, Snoozles. Anytime.”

Sokka looked towards the sun, well past its highest point, and shivered as the wind whipped harder over the hilltop.

Toph stirred. “We should probably go back inside.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I missed lunch.” He brushed the dirt off his pants and following her back into the tunnel.

“You? Missing lunch?” She closed the opening she’d made, leaving them in pitch darkness, his torch long since burnt out. “You must be really sick.”

He rolled his eyes. “Nah, just distracted.” He reached out and felt for her sleeve. “Now lead the way back, I can’t see a thing.”

She snorted and caught his wrist, tugging him in… a direction. It was hard to know up from down without any light. “I think there’s a shortcut back to the main wing of the palace,” she said. “So we don’t have to walk as far.”

“Please, I’ll be fine.”

She hesitated. “Let me know if you want me to slow down.”

“I said I’m fine.” He really did– the exercise and fresh air probably did him good, and he trotted a few steps ahead to prove it to her.

“Whatever you say.”

Sokka smirked, and out of stubbornness didn’t ask her to slow down once the entire way back– which felt longer than he remembered and steeper decline than the way they’d come up. By the time the tunnel leveled out, he found himself breathless and panting.

Toph paused and let him lean against the rough stone wall. “Sure you’re okay there, Sneezles?”

“Yeah.” He directed a few wet coughs into his elbow.

She frowned. “That doesn’t sound too good.”

He straightened, dropping his arm to his side. “I said it’s nothing. I feel fine.”

She looked skeptical, but started walking again. “Maybe Katara was right– you shouldn’t be overexerting yourself.”

“You’re agreeing with _Katara_ now? The Fire Nation must be freezing over.”

She punched his arm, although not quite with her usual force. “Well excuse me for caring about your stubborn ass.”

He rubbed his arm and groaned dramatically, but couldn’t quite keep from smiling. “Alright, alright. Soup for dinner and an early bedtime, on my honor.”

Her palm slid from his wrist to his hand. “Sounds more like it.”

It didn’t end up being a difficult promise to keep. Despite himself, Sokka felt the day catch up with him over dinner and retreated to his room as soon as he could without being rude. Of course, Katara followed him and slipped in just as he was changing into his sleep clothes.

“What the–?” He yanked up his shorts and fumbled to tie the knot. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“Oh, please.” She waved her hand and set a tray on the side table. “You didn’t finish your dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.” He untied his wolf tail and pulled at his har as if that would lessen the headache he could feel creeping up his temples.

“That worries me.” Katara swirled her fingers over the teacup on the tray, releasing more steam.

“Ha, ha.”

“Seriously.” She turned around, brows pinched and staring at him hard. “You need to take it easy, Sokka. It’s taking you longer than I thought it would to shake this cold.”

“Spirits,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the bed. “I’m just tired. And– stressed.”

“Stressed?” She looked confused. “About Suki? Is it really that bad?”

“No,” he lied, palms pressed to his face as he flopped backwards.

Katara put her hands on her hips. “Sokka, you know you can tell me anything.”

“I know.” Didn’t mean he wanted to, though.

She sighed and he heard the rustle of her dress as she crossed the room, and felt the mattress dip as she sat down beside him. “You know, Aang and I were talking–”

He groaned loudly.

“ _Aang_ _and I were talking_ , and he said maybe sometime tomorrow before the bachelor parties you guys could sit down and have a talk– just get everything out in the open so there’s no awkwardness at the wedding. He’s willing to be there as well, to moderate if you want.”

“I don’t want.” It was bad enough his sister and the Avatar gossiped about him behind his back, he didn’t need them to _interfere_. Truthfully, he still felt raw from telling the whole story in excruciating detail to Toph, and the thought of dredging up all those horrible feelings again in front of two more people was more than exhausting.

“Sokka…” She was silent for a long minute, which he knew to be a bad sign. “I’ve tried to be sensitive about this, and I want to respect your space–”

“So respect it.” He turned to cough into his arm. “It’s been a nice change of pace.”

She huffed. “–but this is getting ridiculous. What could be so bad you don’t want to talk about it at all? Not even to me?”

“It’s not _bad_ ,” he said. “It’s just not worth getting into.” _I’m afraid what you’ll think of me if you know._

“There you go again– lying to me.” She shook her head. “What has gotten into you boys lately? First you, then Aang–”

“Aang?”

“Yeah, he’s hiding something too, I know it.” She abruptly stood up and paced to the side table. “Spirits, did you tell him, and make him promise not to tell me? Because if so I swear to–”

“No, I didn’t tell him either.” He was too tired for this.

“ _Ugh,_ then what is he not telling me?” The tea on the tray suddenly froze and Sokka heard a snap as the cup cracked. “Shit.” Katara’s fist thumped onto the table and she took a second to collect herself. “I was going to make you drink that.”

“’S okay,” he said quietly. “You can’t make me do anything.”

One corner of her mouth twitched. “I know, but I would’ve tried.”

“It’s nothing but hot leaf juice, anyway.”

“Don’t let Uncle hear you say that.” She returned to the bed and pulled back the covers, tugging them out from under him when he refused to move. “You could’ve used some heat and fluids.”

“I’m fine.” He let her toss the blankets over him and pulled them up to his chin.

“I know.” She hesitated. “I just worry.”

He sighed and propped himself up on one elbow. “Katara, I’m okay, I promise.”

She put a cool hand on his forehead. “You feel a little warm.”

He turned his head away. “I’m _fine_.”

“I’ll come back first thing tomorrow, okay?”

“It’s not like I can stop you, being on my deathbed and all.”

She crossed her arms and glared. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Sorry.” He hid his grin with the blankets and made a shoo-ing motion with his hand. “Now go away so I can get this rest people keep telling me about.”

“Alright, alright.” She picked up the tray and headed for the door.

“Oh, and Katara?”

“Yeah?” She paused, the door halfway open.

“Don’t worry about Aang. Whatever he’s keeping from you now, I’m sure he’ll tell you eventually.”

She dropped her eyes and gave him another almost-smile. “Thanks.”

“No problem-o,” he murmured into his pillow, although the door had already closed.

Sleep came quickly, but to Sokka’s great frustration didn’t stay– he woke up several times during the night coughing and uncomfortable, and when the sun rose again outside his headache, instead of fading, had grown worse. By the time Katara returned, he’d managed to do little more than sit on the edge of his bed, holding his shirt limply in his hands.

“How’re you feeling?” She sat carefully next to him.

“About the same.” Anxious. Run-down. Tired of being sick.

“Mm.” She hummed sympathetically and palmed his forehead. “Well, your fever’s gone. Do you think you’ll be up for Zuko’s bachelor party tonight? I know they’d love to have you but you shouldn’t go if you don’t feel well.”

He squared his shoulders, pushing away the worry and self-pity. “No, I’ll be fine. Just a headache, is all.”

“Well maybe I can help with that.” Katara stood up and uncorked the flask at her hip, bending the water to her palms and holding it to his temples.

He closed his eyes and sighed as the coolness of the water and Katara’s magic eased the pounding in his skull.

“I’m sorry for prying last night,” she said. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

“Thanks.”

“I just want tomorrow to be a good day– for everyone,” she went on. “Including you and Suki.”

“It will be.” He held up two fingers. “Best behavior, on my honor.”

She huffed. “So no sneaking away with Toph to drink cactus juice?”

“Hey, that was _one_ time, and it was because you throw the most boring birthday parties ever.”

“Oh, because I like to end the night with the furniture intact and nothing on fire that makes me ‘boring?’”

Sokka grinned. “Yeah. Total snoozefest.”

Katara rolled her eyes. “Maybe I should put you in charge of planning the next big celebration.”

“Maybe you should,” he said. “I’m The Fun One, everyone says so.”

“Sokka, just Toph doesn’t count as ‘everyone.’” She drew the water away and Sokka let out a breath of relief as the remains of his headache faded.

“Close enough.”

Katara’s hand stilled while re-sealing her flask. “Is she why you and Suki–”

“No.” He slid off the bed and walked away from her to the mirror, running a comb roughly through his hair and trying to will away the heat from his cheeks.

“So you and Toph never–”

“ _No_.” He put down the brush and tied up his wolf tail, although his fingers were clumsy and it took him three times to get the knot right. “That’s crazy talk. Beyond absurd. Ludicrous, even.” _Shut up, shut up you idiot_. He pressed his lips together and swallowed the urge to keep going. Which was itself ridiculous– it should be obvious. Of course he’d never thought about Toph like _that_.

He blinked and remembered sitting next to her on Appa on the way from Yu Dao, her head thrown back in laughter, then her long hair loose in the wind as they looked out over the city, taking her hand as she led him back to the palace.

 _No_. He shook his head and turned around, bracing himself for Katara’s reaction.

But she seemed to let it go. “Okay,” she smoothed the folds of her dress. “Anyway, whatever happened between you and Suki, I’m sure it can all be worked out.”

Sokka let out a breath and leaned against the vanity, weirdly relieved to return to the subject of Suki. “Your faith is noted, but probably misplaced.”

“Oh, come on.” She stepped forward, placing her hands on his shoulders. “You two have been through so much together.”

“Whatever.”

“You _have_ , and you can make it through this, too.”

He nodded weakly and let her fold him into a tight hug, which felt nice, even though he still wasn’t sure he believed her.

“Holy Spirits,” Bato said through a mouthful of komodo chicken. “This Chit Sang fellow really knows his way around a grill.”

“Oh, yeah.” Haru tossed a fire flake in the air, head tipped over the back of the booth to catch it in his mouth. “Did Hakoda ever tell you? He cooked _all_ our meals after the Western Air Temple.” He elbowed Sokka’s ribs. “You guys really missed out when you took off on Appa. At one point, we found an island full of just pig chickens! Full of them! The _bacon_.” He groaned. “I’ll never forget it.”

“Mm.” Sokka made a vague sound of agreement and poked at the remains of his rice with his chopsticks.

Bato frowned and looked at him more closely. “You doing alright, Sokka?”

“I’m fine.” He finally picked up a ball of rice, chewing and swallowing without really tasting anything. “Really.”

Haru cocked his head. “You sure?”

“ _Yes_.” Sokka pulled up his shoulders and sat a little straighter on the bench seat. “You were talking about an island full of pig chickens? How do you think they got there?”

Haru laughed. “I have no idea, but Teo had some interesting theories…”

Sokka breathed a sigh of relief and tried to subtly rest his arms on the rough wooden table. After stops at three local bars, Zuko’s bachelor party had ended up in the back room of Chit Sang’s restaurant for dinner and even more drinks. It wasn’t that late– he estimated that the sun had only set an hour or two ago– but even after an afternoon spent doing only Katara-approved activities he was dragging. 

“Hey, guys!”

Sokka looked up to see Aang worm his way out of the crowd and slide into the booth next to Bato.

“Whatcha talking about?” His cheeks were flushed and he was grinning widely, long fingers tapping out bouncy rhythms on the table and twirling little currents of air.

“Bacon,” said Haru.

Aang made a face.

Bato put a hand on his shoulder. “But we don’t have to go on about that. What’s on your mind, Aang?”

“Not much.” Aang shrugged, but his grin grew even wider. “Just love. And how life is so beautiful.”

Bato laughed. “It really is.”

“Thinkin’ about Katara?” Haru waggled his eyebrows.

“Always.” Aang let out a long, satisfied sigh and stretched his arms behind his head. “Did I ever tell you guys how good her hair smells? All the time, I don’t know how she does it. And her smile could light up the Cave of Two Lovers.”

Sokka choked on his drink. “ _Oogies_ , Aang!”

“Do you know– that’s where we had our first kiss!”

Haru laughed. “Really?”

“I mean, it was barely a kiss– our lips hardly even touched– but it still counts.”

“Sure does!” Haru leaned across Sokka for a high five, and Sokka sank further into his seat.

Since switching to water at the second bar, he wasn’t nearly drunk enough for this, and the vaulted ceilings of the restaurant were turning the noise of the party into a cacophony that was beginning to make his head hurt again.

“I just love her so much.” Aang took another long gulp of his bright orange cocktail, which appeared to be nearly nearly gone. “Like, I can’t even describe it. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? Have you ever been in love like that?”

Haru shook his head. “Not the way you describe it, man. Like she hung the stars in the sky.”

“Sometimes I really think she did.” Aang’s eyes grew dewy and Sokka thought he might actually gag.

It was difficult to listen to Aang go on about Katara on a good day, and this was far from a good day. Of course he was happy for them– but _Spirits_ did he have to be so _in love_? Not that he’d ever admit it, but Sokka had to agree with Haru. He had never felt what Aang described when he talked about Katara.

“I’m going to propose to her,” Aang announced, slamming his cup on the table. “As soon as the wedding’s over.”

Haru nodded. “You have to. That kind of love– it’s fate. You can’t resist it.”

“I’ve written down what I’m going to say,” Aang said. “It’s on, like, three separate scrolls in the back of my sock drawer. I’m going to recite that when I ask, and we’ll be in field of fire lilies– or out catching penguins to go sledding– or at the Southern Air Temple.” He laughed. “I haven’t decided on a location yet.”

“I bet you’ll know it when you’re there,” said Haru. “You’ll _feel_ it. In your Avatar Spirit, or whatever.”

“…Yeah.” Aang nodded slowly. “You’re right. I shouldn’t try to decide. I’ll just _know_.”

Sokka clamped his teeth together to keep from audibly scoffing. He had to leave this conversation, before he said something that would hurt someone’s feelings. He pushed up from the table. “I’m… going to get another drink.”

“Sure, dude.” Haru gave an absent nod before turning back to Aang, who was still chattering on about something horribly _romantic_.

But Bato was paying more attention. “You okay, Sokka?”

“Fine.” Sokka waved him away and started pushing his way towards the door.

“You sure?” Bato clambered out of the booth and followed him, catching him by the shoulder. “Do you need me to go find Katara?”

Sokka bristled and pushed the hand away. “I said I’m fine.”

Bato’s hand fell away, but he followed Sokka until he came to a stop on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant. “Sokka…”

“I’m fine.” Sokka closed his eyes and took a deep breath, rubbing his temples. “Just tired, that’s all.”

“Alright.” The hand came back on his shoulder. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to the palace.”

“No, thanks.” Sokka stepped away again. “I think I just want to be alone right now, if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Bato still looked worried, but let him go. “I’ll tell the others you went to bed early.”

“Thanks.” Sokka watched him go back inside, then turned around to head back to the palace. As the sound of the party faded away, he relaxed in the quiet of the city at night. It wasn’t even that late, but he could only sit through so many celebrations of love.

It was really becoming unbearable. He knew they couldn’t help it, but it was just the worst sort of constant reminder that he’d fucked everything up and there was shit nothing he could do about it. Sure, Aang and Katara could insist all they wanted that the relationship was salvageable, but they were incurable optimists and optimists, he reminded himself, were liars.

He kicked a rock into an alley and pushed away the faint hope that always rose in his stomach no matter how hard he tried. Aang and Katara didn’t know the full story, they didn’t know…

But Toph knew.

He paused just inside the gate, and tried to remember what she’d said after he’d told her everything. Did she think there was hope for them?

 _I guess I never asked_. He slipped into the palace through his favorite side door.

He was so lost in imagining what she’d say he didn’t hear footsteps or the rustle of fabric as he turned a corner into the main hall. It was dark, the torches few and far between on the walls, but he recognized the figure immediately and his stomach dropped to the floor.

At first, he couldn’t decide whether to stop or keep walking like he hadn’t seen her, but then their eyes met and it felt too weird not to stop.

For several long, minutes, no one said anything and Sokka struggled to think through the blood pounding in his ears. Should he wait for her to speak? Or should he go first to break the ice?

“Hey, Sokka.” Her voice was steady, casual, but she wouldn’t look at him and her fingers nervously worried the hem of her shirt.

“Hey, Suki.” She wasn’t wearing her uniform, instead dressed for a night out, but he could see smudges of white paint around her hairline and neck. “Did you just finish a patrol?”

She nodded. “It didn’t feel right to give myself the night off just because I know the Firelady. Or– the almost-Firelady.” 

_Spirits, that’s so noble_. He didn’t deserve someone like her, he never had.

“Sokka…”

“I’m sorry,” he said, because he couldn’t hold it in anymore. “I don’t know if that even means anything anymore but I hope you know that I am.”

“I know.” Suki rocked back on her heels and looked at the floor. “I’m sorry, too. For everything I said.”

“I know.” He chewed his lower lip. She hadn’t said _I forgive you_ , and neither had he. “I… I’d like to put the past behind us,” he said. “If you think we can.”

“Yes,” she said. “I think so.”

“Me, too.” He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and allowed the hope to rise in his chest again. “And… we can still be friends, can’t we?”

Suki hesitated.

 _Shit_.

“I’m sorry.” She bit her lip and almost looked like she wanted to step forward, but didn’t. “I just– I’m sure we can be friends eventually, I’m just not ready yet, Sokka. It’s complicated, and I hope–” She brushed her fingers over her eyes and Sokka wanted to smack himself for making her cry. “–I hope you can understand. We just need a little more time.”

“Of course,” he said numbly, automatically. “You’re right. I understand. I’m sorry.” _I’m sorry_. How many times could he say that before it became completely meaningless?

“Thank you.” She looked up at him again. “What’re you doing here, anyway? Isn’t the party still going on?”

“Yeah, I–” He coughed. _Good timing_. “I’m beat. Want to be able to stay awake through the ceremony and all that.”

“Well, I should let you get some rest.”

She was clearly looking for a way out of the conversation, and Sokka was more than happy to provide one. “Yeah, and you should go ahead and join the girls.” He took two steps to the side so she could pass him with a wide berth. “I’m sure they’re missing you.”

She nodded. “Goodnight, Sokka.”

“Goodnight, Suki.”

After one more awkward nod, she left, leaving him in the empty hallway, alone with his thoughts once again. He walked to his room as if in a trance, but instead of going in he stopped in front of the door, thinking.

He was so tired, he could feel it pulling at his limbs, in the way his eyes wanted to stay closed when he blinked, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep if he tried. All he could see was Suki’s face, half-lit in the hallway and so, so distant. His thoughts were racing– mixed up and confused. He needed to talk to someone, and not someone who would lie and tell him it was all going to be okay, because it wasn’t. Nothing about this was okay.

Abruptly, he turned and kept going down the hallway until he found a narrow, circular staircase. It was taller than he expected it to be, but he didn’t pause on the way up, even though he had to double over coughing by the time he reached the top.

 _Good_ , he thought, leaning on the parapet to catch his breath. _You deserve it_.

Luckily, he was alone, and a quick glance at the view told him why. Maybe the guard tower was useful once, but in the years since renovations and expansions had blocked every good view of the outer wall.

But that didn’t matter to him. The night was clear, and up here he felt a little closer to the sky. He leaned over the wall and tilted his face into the wind, savoring the burn of the cold air in his lungs.

“Hey, Yue.”

The moon stared back at him, not quite full, but almost there.

“I don’t know if you’d know what to do in this situation, or what to say, but I don’t really know who else to talk to.” He rested his chin on his hands. “Everyone here is just so _happy_ , I don’t want to bring them down with everything going on with me.”

Badgerfrogs croaked from the pond in the courtyard below.

“The thing is, I have no one to blame but myself. As usual, Sokka fucks it all up all by himself.” He sighed. “I’m trying to remember what Toph said– that it’s not wrong for me to feel hurt, but it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt her, too.”

The wind blew harder, raising goosebumps on his bare arms.

“I think that’s the worst thing. Even after all this time, I still can’t forgive myself for that, you know? I’d do anything to undo that whole evening, but I can’t. I can’t, and I’m an idiot.” He slumped down further onto the wall. “She was the best thing that happened to me after you, Yue,” he said. “And I ruined it.”

He closed his eyes, felt his lashes grow wet and tears leave cold tracks down his face.

“I guess I’m just… scared,” he said, staring at his hands lit faintly by the moonlight. “I feel like this proves I was never good enough for her. And if I ruined things with her, what are my chances with anyone else? No one… there’s no one else like her.” His fingers curled into fists, nails scraping against the stone. “What if I never feel like that with anyone else? What if I’m always _alone_?”

“Sokka?”

He whirled around, rubbing the moisture hastily from his eyes and blinking at the open hatch that led to the stairs. “Who’s there?”

“Calm down, it’s just me.” Toph emerged from the staircase, still dressed in the red tunic and skirt from Mai’s party and cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol. She rubbed her arms and shivered. “What’re you doing up here all by yourself? Aang and Zuko said you’d already gone to bed.”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Any particular reason?”

“No.”

She snorted.

Fuck, it was useless lying to Toph.

But instead of mocking him, she stepped forward and leaned against the wall to his left. “Suki was acting weird when she first joined us.”

His breath stuttered, and he coughed hard into his arm. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” She turned her face into the breeze, loose hair drifting over her shoulder.

He wondered who’d convinced her to wear it down tonight. Ty Lee, probably. Or maybe Katara.

“She wouldn’t say why, but we all kind of figured.”

“Um, right.” He cleared his throat. “Sorry about that, I guess.”

She looked back at him, nose wrinkled in annoyance. “Stop apologizing, will you? I know it sucks, but we all know you’re sorry and saying it over and over again won’t change anything.”

“Sor–” he stopped himself. “Okay.”

“Besides,” she rocked forward on her heels, “you have nothing to apologize for. Not to me, anyway. Not to anyone besides Suki, and you’ve already done that.”

He nodded, trying to take her words to heart. It was easier when she was standing right there in front of him, and he began to think maybe it was a mistake to spend so much time alone with his thoughts. “I know,” he said. “You’re right.”

She smirked. “I’m always right.”

“I know.”

Hesitantly, she reached out and covered his hand with hers.

He jumped, her palm warm against his skin, and her grip faltered for half a second before tightening.

“You’re freezing,” she said.

Belatedly, he realized he was shivering. He coughed again into his free arm and it occurred to him that this was probably the worst thing he could be doing for his cold. All at once, the fatigue he’d felt earlier began to hit him again and he leaned against a pillar holding up the low roof.

Toph’s fingers moved from his hand up to his wrist. “Come on, let’s go inside.”

Obediently, he followed her down the stairs and through the hallways until they stopped outside the door to his room.

They stopped awkwardly outside of it, and for a moment Sokka idly wondered if under different circumstances he’d crack a joke about inviting her in, but as it was he just caught her hand briefly as she let go of his arm. “Thank you.”

She ducked his gaze and huffed a self-conscious laugh. “No problem.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

She bowed her head, and if Sokka didn’t know better he’d think she was blushing. “I always know where you are, Snoozles.”

Something odd welled in his chest and his breath caught.

Before he could figure out how to reply, Toph opened the door. “Now go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah.” He couldn’t help but smile, which felt strange on his face after the heaviness of the evening, but he just shook his head. It was the strange magic of being around Toph, he supposed. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

She closed the door behind him and he collapsed onto the sheets, mind drifting to through strange, unfocused musings around what the weather was like in Yu Dao in the summer, and whether Toph’s hair was as soft as it looked.

The morning of the wedding came far too quickly. Sokka woke up shivering even though he was wrapped in blankets, head throbbing and unable to breathe through his nose.

 _You idiot_. He pushed himself up on shaking hands and immediately had to close his eyes through a wave of vertigo. _That’s what you get for spending half the night on top of a tower in the cold._ Trying to breathe through it resulted in a hacking cough that made his ribs ache and brought hot, salty mucus into his mouth.

Shoving the blankets aside, he stumbled out of bed and spit into a potted plant, which brought on another bout of coughing and more foul-tasting phlegm. After pausing to catch his breath, he crawled to the washbasin and splashed cold water onto his face. It felt good at first and woke him up, but that soon faded into a hot, shivery feeling that meant he had a fever again.

 _Great, just great_. He pressed his shaking hands into the floor and propped himself up against the wall, considering his options.

Rationally, he knew he was in no shape to sit through the wedding, or do anything really besides crawl back into bed and sleep for the next week, but his pride rebelled against that idea with everything it had.

It was his own fault, _again_ , that he was even in this position. He _should’ve_ just gone to bed when he left the party like he said he would, but instead he’d let himself spiral after one conversation with his ex and done the exact opposite of what everyone kept telling him to do.

 _I have to go to the wedding_. He pressed his hands to his temples as if that would make the headache go away, and braced himself to stand up. _It’s just a fever and a cough, that’s no excuse_.

The bed called out to him, but he ignored it in favor of stumbling to the dresser to pull out his formal clothes. _If I just keep moving_ , he thought, _I’ll be able to make it through._

That mantra seemed to work, although it took him over twice as long as usual to get dressed, and he’d already woken up late. He had to rush to get to the ceremony before it started and slid into an open seat next to Aang out of breath and swallowing a coughing fit.

“Close one,” Aang whispered, eyes already trained on the fire sages lining up on the dais. “It’s about to start.”

Sokka nodded and concentrated on blinking the spots out of his eyes. He squinted up and tried to make out what was going on, but honestly the details of Fire Nation wedding ceremonies were lost on him and he could only be thankful that whatever was happening, at least it was short.

Before he knew it, Mai and Zuko were kissing and the crowd erupted in applause. Belatedly, he clapped along with them and followed the crowd to the reception as if in a trance. It was being held in a new section of the palace, or newly-redone, so he wasn’t entirely familiar with the layout, but when he looked around to ask someone where they were he realized Aang and Katara were gone.

 _Shit_. He rubbed his eyes and tried to force himself to focus, but the crush of people and noises was making him dizzy and he couldn’t fucking _breathe_.

 _I need to sit down_ , he decided. _Just for a few minutes_. He cast about for a chair, a bench, _anything_ , but there were hardly any in this stupid ballroom, and the few he identified were taken.

 _Oh, come on_. Someone bumped him from behind and he stumbled.

Muttering an apology, he pushed away hands that tried to help him up and pushed through the crowd to the nearest hallway, thankfully empty and blessedly dark. As soon as the party was out of sight he sank to the floor and coughed so hard his chest burned and his stomach heaved, although there was nothing to come out. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t eaten a proper meal in days.

When he could finally breathe again, he leaned against the wall and held his head in his hands. This was bad. This was really bad. Clearly, he had to do something, except he couldn’t fucking think straight and all he knew was that he couldn’t go back and ruin everyone’s good time at the party.

He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, wrapped in anxiety over his situation pondering his own stupidity for causing this mess. Maybe he actually passed out for while and didn’t notice, but when he looked up again he wasn’t alone.

“Toph?”

“Idiot.” She stood over him, hands on her hips and glaring. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I… nothing. I don’t know.” He coughed again, each one jarring his ribs painfully.

“You know, I’ve been patient,” she said. “I’ve tried to be nice about this.”

“About what?” he croaked. What was going on?

“But enough is enough.” She knelt down in front of him, beads of her headdress swaying around her ears. “Sokka, _you need to stop punishing yourself_. For everything that went down with Suki, and everything that happened this weekend. Seriously,” she reached out a hand and felt his forehead, “I’m starting to get offended, it’s usually my job to punish you.”

He gave a weak laugh, then tried not to cough on her. “Sorry.”

She sighed and took her hand away. “Didn’t we already talk about apologizing?” She stood up. “Now I’m going to get Katara, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Toph…” Both hands pressed to the wall, he stood up as well, leaving heavily on the cold marble.

“Nope.” She held out a finger. “No arguing this time. You’re really hot and your lungs sound terrible. I can hear you breathing from here.”

He nodded. The guilt for ruining the party was already burning in his stomach, but there was nothing for it now. Toph was right, he couldn’t stop her now, he could barely stay conscious…

Another wave of chills surged through his body and he shuddered, then black spots came back, crowding his vision so he swayed suddenly froward.

“Shit–” Toph stepped forward to catch him, and he tried to stay upright, he really did, but the hallway was spinning so fast around him, he couldn’t even focus on her face. “Sokka!

He tried weakly to grab her hand, try to tell her it was okay, but missed and he felt himself falling.

“Help! Someone help us!”

There was a sound of running footsteps, the swish of heavy formal robes, and the last thing Sokka thought was how strange it was to hear Toph call for help.

“Aang, I’ve got it handled, just go back to the party.”

“I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m not the one with the lung infection, okay? I told you, I’m fine here.”

“But–”

Sokka groaned without opening his eyes. “Will you two ever _shut up_?”

“Sokka!” Katara hurried back to his bedside and drew water from a basin into her hand, pressing it to his face and neck. “Thank the spirits. You had me worried there.”

“Whoops.” He tried to smile, but suspected it came out closer to a grimace. He was in bed now, a soft one, covered in multiple blankets, but he still felt chilled and his entire body ached like he’d gone three rounds against The Boulder.

Katara took the water away and heaved an exasperated sigh. “Don’t you _ever_ do that to me again, you hear me? I’m not a mind-reader, you know. You have to _tell_ me when you’re feeling bad.”

“I know,” he said. Then, despite Toph’s orders, “I’m sorry.”

Her brows pinched together in a pained expression, and then, to his surprise, she leaned down and _hugged_ him. Awkwardly, since she was sitting up and he was lying down, but tighter than she had in a while, holding the back of his neck with her hand. “No,” she said. “ _I’m_ sorry. For not seeing what’s been weighing on you this past year.”

“Ten months,” he murmured.

“Toph told me everything,” she said. “And it’s just awful– _awful_.”

 _I guess the catgator’s out of the bag._ He didn’t even have the energy to be irritated about it. And she probably made the right call, all things considered. Maybe it was because he was sick, but at least Katara and Aang didn’t seem to be mad at him for his part in the falling out.

Aang came up on his other side. “I hope you know– neither of us blame you for what happened,” he said. “Or think about you any differently. People make mistakes, and I’m sorry this one cost you your relationship, but we’re here for you. And–” he looked a little guilty, “–we’ll try to be better about that, starting now.”

Katara winced, and slowly let him go. “Aang’s right. I’ve been so distracted with my own stuff lately, but in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big a deal, and I shouldn’t have let it come between…”

Sokka stopped listening, watching Aang’s hand sneak inside his pocket and stay there, fist clenched. “Oh, just do it already.”

“Katara, will you marry me!”

Katara gasped, then seemed to choke on her own tongue. “What–?”

Aang pulled out the betrothal necklace and held it up. “Marry me, Katara. I love you with everything I have and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and I was waiting for the right moment but–”

“Yes!” She cut him off, smile so wide Sokka thought her face might split, and he sank further into the pillows as she reached over him to take the necklace. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

“About fucking time,” he said, then rolled onto his side to cough into the pillows.

Hands still shaking, Katara seemed to remember where she was and reached down to rub his back. “That’s right. Let it all out.”

“Not a– baby–” he choked between coughs.

“Shh, shh.” She didn’t stop until his breathing settled, then slid off the bed to fetch a pot of boiling water from a side table. “I’m making you some tea to help with that, and hopefully get you to sleep.”

“Fun.”

“Glad you think so,” Aang said, still looking a little giddy. “I’m pretty sure she won’t allow you to leave this room for a week at least.”

“Damn right.” Katara returned with a steaming concoction Sokka was sure smelled terrible, not that he was able to tell. “And I’ll be watching you this time.”

“You can’t watch me _all_ the time,” he said as she helped him sit up enough to drink.

“Well, someone will be here at all times,” she said. “And you can count on that.”

“Fair enough.” He brought the cup to his lips and drank, and under his sister’s watchful eye didn’t stop until he finished it.

“Good job.” She smiled and nodded like he was a child and helped him lie back down.

“You guys should get back to the party,” he murmured. “It looked like a really good time.”

Katara shook her head. “No. You need me more.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said. “Just sleeping, like you told me too.”

She hesitated, and Aang came around to her side. “Katara, you were just saying he’ll be okay. And the longer we’re gone, the more Zuko will worry, and we don’t want to worry him on his wedding day, right?”

“I suppose…”

“Besides, there are others who might come check on him.” For the briefest moment, Aang’s eyes flicked towards the door, and Sokka wondered if he knew something Katara didn’t.

Slowly, she nodded. “Okay. Okay, you’re right.” She turned back to Sokka. “Don’t even _think_ about moving.”

He shook his head. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

She sighed and allowed Aang to help her up. “Just until most of the guests are gone,” she said. “Then I’m coming right back here.”

“Of course.” Aang kissed her forehead and led her to the door. “Sleep well, Sokka. I’m sure someone will come by soon.”

They were gone before Sokka had time to wonder what he meant, but he needn’t have bothered. Not five minutes later, the door opened again.

“You awake, Sneezles?”

“Very funny.”

Her lips twisted into a rueful smile and she came forward, sitting delicately on the bed next to him. “So, you’re alive.”

“Thanks to you.” He reached for her hand. “Sorry for being an idiot.”

“On the contrary, it would’ve been weirder if you _weren’t_ an idiot.”

He chuckled, coughed. “You’re right.”

“As always.”

He chewed his lip. “Also– thanks for telling Katara everything, I guess. It was probably stupid of me to hide it from her anyway.”

“Monumentally so.” Toph interlaced their fingers, one thumb tracing circles on the back of his hand. “Like I said, it’s not healthy to keep that shit all to yourself.”

“So I’ve noticed.” He held her hand tighter. “And– thanks for being a really good friend this weekend. I– it means the world to me.”

“No problem.” Her tone was casual, but Sokka saw the color rising on her neck under a thin layer of powder. She really did look stunning tonight, he noticed. Someone had dressed her in an elaborately woven Earth Kingdom gown, although she’d removed her headdress and her hair was loose again.

“Who helped you with your makeup?” he wondered aloud.

She licked her lips. “Suki did.”

 _Of course_.

“She knows you’re here,” she said before he could ask. “She hasn’t asked to see you, but I told her you’re doing okay.”

“Thanks.” He took a breath, as deeply as he could without coughing. “You should go back to the party, too.”

“Not a chance.” She laughed. “Besides, at this point under normal circumstances we would’ve already snuck away to drink cactus juice.” She slid off the bed to pour two more cups with the still-warm water. “I guess herbal tea will have to do for now.”

“We still have to do a toast,” he said when she returned.

“What to?”

He thought about it for a few minutes. “To new friends.”

Her lips twitched. “We’re not new friends.”

“New old friends.” He wondered if she could feel his heartbeat when they were sitting on the bed. He couldn’t explain it, not yet, but this friendship with Toph felt new, in a way. “Old new friends.”

She laughed again. “To old-new-old friends.”

“And new-old-new ones.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Their cups clicked together, and they drank.

Sokka watched her hide a smile into her tea. “You love it.”

“Don’t push it, Sneezles.”

“Sorry.” Her smile was contagious.

“No you’re not.” She let him shuffle closer to her, and took away his teacup as he slumped down onto the pillows next to her hip.

“Nope. Not even a little bit.” Maybe the tea was working, or maybe he was genuinely more relaxed than he had in months, but he felt himself drifting off soon after, Toph’s fingers running lightly through his hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooof…… perhaps I should mention- there is no COVID in the ATLA universe, or at least my version of it lol. One of the many reasons we'd all rather be there, amirite?? XD Anyway…
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, and for leaving comments/kudos!! 
> 
> Playlist  
> "exile" - Taylor Swift & Bon Iver  
> "this is me trying" - Taylor Swift
> 
> As always, I'm on tumblr at [cats-and-metersticks](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com/) <333


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